Through Waking Eyes

by Matthew Ellis

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1.
05:30
I’m living in a nightmare Wake to a monster in my bed His arms wrapped around me But it’s no longer so scary Scaled skin, bright green eyes, and black heart Uses his razor tongue to tear you apart It just doesn’t hurt so bad anymore You were like a dream, a distant hope So far, yet attainable somehow A smile like sunshine, you smelled like peace The shadows dance in the flickering light Like the dark intentions behind his eyes The shadows dance in the flickering light And watch as he feeds on my fading light You were a dream, just what I’d needed That little hope, that little push Gave me the strength to not stay The shadows crawl, the shadows leap Reflecting the fears deep within me The shadows grasp, the shadows reach As if daring me to drift to sleep It’s time to face reality, it’s time to wake up It’s not a nightmare, and he’s not a monster Just another man. A liar, manipulator A hurting soul who feels the need to control And cut me down And you’re not a dream Just another man A good man So thank you, but I’m waking up I’m waking up.
2.
05:10
He saw the world in black and white There was wrong and there was right Spoon-fed half-truths and easy lies So convicted, so sure Turns out he was what they despised Now everything looks grey With shades of blue and red His worlds turned upside down From church pew to a strangers bed Searching for a comfort, a refuge From the voices in his head Just look to the stars You’re not a rock in the dust, but a light in the sky So look to the stars That’s what you are She doesn’t know how she got here How it all disappeared Good deeds are forgotten, but They’ll always remember the fall So she packs her bags and makes the call Now everything looks grey With shades of red and blue Her worlds turned upside down Wish I could do something for you Can’t shine if you’re staring at the ground Look up, not around The vast expanse, the final frontier The freedom to imagine, an escape from fear To live in a dream Things are never quiet as bad as they seem
3.
Your promises always broke Your forevers turned to goodbyes If I was broken when you found me, I’m beyond shattered tonight You said I love you and I said it too I could say it now, but boy you know I need to go You said forever and I said it too We were gonna stay together forever, but now I need to go Baby, you know I’m right ‘cause we’re going down And our mothers’ll be crying as they dig two holes in the ground You say you’ll do so much better and I want nothing more than to believe you But I’ve heard it before. Won’t let myself believe you anymore.
4.
05:20
They say love comes only once They say the same for death But I swear I’ve died on a few occasions And I’m not so sure what we had was true, my love I was just another piece on the board Just another tool to use until it breaks Another light to burn until it fades Mine was just another soul you wanted to own Your lies and calculating eyes Your games and all those power plays Three steps ahead but they never know You win but they never know Take my pieces, leave them lying on the floor Too insignificant for you to pick up Just tread upon my heart, crush my life into dust They say love comes only once They say the same for death But I swear you killed me on a few occasions And I’m not so sure what we had was true, my love
5.
05:17
Some nights when I’m alone and a sad song starts to play I have to fight back the tears, remembering things you used to say Words you used to scream at me and words you whispered in my ear weapons to keep me in your arms and lies to strike up fear All to make me stay with you But I left, I got away These fears still stay with me A part of you I’m forced to keep These fears still stay with me You told me how I’d die alone ‘cause no one else could ever love me and though I know that can’t be true your words still haunt my mind and though I know that can’t be true sometimes truth is hard to find
6.
Give me the money, enough to make my vote count Dollars speak louder than honesty The truth is but a whisper amongst the wealthy’s dreams The news is but a shadow of what it used to be, A side of bias amid hysteric screams So give me the money, enough to make my vote count Truth doesn’t mean a thing Riot is the language of the unheard Riot speaks louder than words You choke them hard enough hoping no one will hear their cries You oppress those who are different Steal their liberties from beneath their bloody, beaten bodies Try to sweep us under the rug, but we’re not going anywhere We’re still hear, and you’re going to hear me Riot is the language of the unheard Riot speaks louder than words The tighter you clench your fist, the louder we’ll scream We won’t be silenced, you’re gonna hear me You were supposed to protect, to serve We’re not the enemy, we’re not the enemy But we won’t be silenced, you’re gonna hear me Riot is the language of the unheard Riot speaks louder than words Radical change calls for radical action In a system that’s broken, patience is a delusional thing Only the just and righteous would give up their power, A far cry from earthly kings Is there a nonviolent solution, a peaceful way to end this internal war We refuse to live this way anymore
7.
Insignificant and alone She finds self-worth in the men that want her He’ll tell you what you want to hear, But he can’t give you what you need You give him one night, He gives you nothing but regret It’s like you’re crawling in the dark Bloody hands and knees Dirt clings to your clothes and your tear-stained cheeks Just put down the knife Pick up some peace of mind Find the strength inside Find your peace of mind So ready to love others She keeps none for herself Her skin pales with the passing years Her lips fade from red to blue As you give up on you They will too You just wanted someone to love you
8.
What you lacked in wisdom You made up for in insecurities And you imparted them all to me Spent your time staring into the mirror You were never enough At least, that’s what you’d see And now the mirror’s my worst enemy It’s hard to change the way we see ourselves Caught up in others’ expectations Caught up in others’ expectations It’s hard to love ourselves If we don’t know what love looks like Don’t know what love looks like Blind to what was really true Blind to all but what that reflection showed you Deaf to what was really true Deaf to all but the memories of what he told you Fight the voices in your mind Learn to love yourself Look through new eyes See the beauty inside Look through new eyes See the beauty inside
9.
I remember our last embrace I never wanted to let you go And I knew you’d let me hold you As long as I needed to But the tears were welling up inside And I couldn’t let you see The weakness in my eyes So I stole one last kiss I said my goodbye It’s no one’s fault But it’s still over It’s no one’s fault But it still hurts It’s no one’s fault But I can’t help but to think I could have done something different I hope you find a man that makes you want him Like I wanted you And I hope he loves you Like you never loved me You said we wanted different things Felt guilty for keeping them from me And couldn’t do this anymore You said we wanted different things I don’t know what you wanted But I just wanted you
10.
Listen close and I’m sure you’ll hear Listen close and I’m sure you’ll hear Their corporate hymn Smile to America while you stab her in the back Drone on about your patriotism But refuse to pay livable wages Then send all your jobs over seas Fill our foods with poisons Fill our lakes with poisons Fill our skies with poisons They own the house and the senate Money is power And they hoard it all between themselves They tell you what to think They tell you how to feel They tell you what is to be successful To be beautiful, to have worth Money is power And they would do anything for more Hurt anyone for more Leave those with less to wither away Remake Jesus in your image Nothing is holier than conservative politics God bless the privileged Corrupt the youth Corrupt the nation Corrupt the very soil beneath our feet
11.
11:26
You think we could heal each other Combine our broken hearts To make them full again To live forever, happily Well I’ve learned the hard way That’s not how it works Two half hearts don’t make a whole you can try putting them together but all you have are two wounded souls and you think it’ll make things better for the both of us, but it’ll only make things worse you’ll burn each other out you’ll cry, you’ll curse that half heart you guarded turns to ashes in your hands and you’re alone, again years later you start to wonder if you could ever love someone like before when you do, just walk away just walk away no one wants what’s left of a wrecked up heart your ashes, they’re cast into the wind and you’re left with nothing, nothing where your heart used to be, just a hollow shell and you’re alone, again Then you’ll spend your days clouding your mind with distractions And spend your nights wondering why no one would love you Your demons and insecurities, they grab you by the throat It’s not poetic, suffocating hurts And they won’t let go, they won’t let go So listen when I tell you, keep that half heart safe Save it for someone who can love you right Someone with a whole heart and not whatever it is I have left inside this bleeding chest you don’t understand now, but you’ll thank me Maybe I could help you, but I’m beyond repair And I’ve told you how the story ends Keep what remains of your love and innocence, Leave me to fade I’ve told you how the story ends You don’t understand now, but you’ll thank me someday
12.
05:06
You love and you love You give and you give But it’s just not enough It’s just not enough They take and they take You shoulder their burdens, You endure their pain They take and the take Your body and your soul They take and they take Until you’re all used up Then they leave To find a well they haven’t emptied yet Mistook the lust in his eyes for affection His greedy hands as healing Accepted his words for what he said they were His deception as the honesty I wanted it to be You love and you love You give and you give For them it’s never enough But know, you are enough You are enough
13.
With my hand in yours You avoid my gaze Hoping you do not see I hope you do not see Your name, on the edge of my lips Love, on the tip of my tongue Just put your lips on mine Can’t keep this secret for long You’re like all I ever wanted You’re like all I’ll ever need It’s like I’ve been waiting here forever I’m finally waking from the dream Like the night holds the stars I’ll keep you in my arms And just like the moon You outshine them all As the waves in the see You pull me As the waves in the see You pull me
14.
12:27
Breathe in, breathe out Let it go Take a deep breath then let it go Just let go You were young, and so was I You were young, and I wasn’t without fault You were wrong, but I stuck around I may not forget, but I’ll forgive I’ll finally let go Living in the past is like choosing to live in pain Too busy hurting to notice moments slip between your fingers Bits of the present you will never have again Living in the past leaves no door to a future Barring yourself in with what happened long ago Scarred, lonely, and no place else to go Let it go Just let go Let it go

about

Sophomore album, thank you for listening!

credits

released November 1, 2016

All songs written, recorded, & performed by Matthew Ellis & Cara McQuate
Lyrics & Vocals, Guitar, Piano, Lyre, Cello by Matthew Ellis
Percussion, Bass, Banjo, Mandolin, Flute, Guitar, Backing Vocals by Cara McQuate
Produced by Matthew Ellis & Cara McQuate
Mixed & Mastered by Jim Roll at Backseat Productions
Artwork & Design by Kelsey Shankle

© ℗ 2016 Matthew Ellis
All rights reserved.

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Matthew Ellis Ohio

Singer-Songwriter, Scientist, Fur-Father

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